I'm exhausted by my days. For the past two weeks, I've been "Over it" by the time Friday has arrived. Last night I fell asleep on the sofa pretty much right after I got home, and then woke up to go downstairs to bed, and slept til about 6am today. I'm hoping that I will feel like myself more of the time very soon.
My pretty new boot has helped a lot. I'm allowed to balance on it while standing (and resting from long walks) so I am able to do stairs a lot more easily which helps me to get around the house better, and has allowed me to go back to my own office for work, which I am glad for. I missed my co-workers.
My only real milestone this week was taking a real shower all by myself without being scared (which made me feel like I'd run a marathon. Balancing on one foot is NO BUENO!) and then blowdrying and doing my hair. I felt like a full-on human for the first time in weeks.
People in public are strange. Some are very helpful like the girl in the Doctor's office who appeared to be 18 months pregnant but got up to offer to help me with the door, and some are ridiculously ignorant, like the lady in a crowded restaurant yesterday whose chair was blocking my way, and was oblivious to a) the girl on crutches right next to her (crutches are not exactly silent or easy to visually hide!); b) the three times I said "Excuse me" which her husband and child heard, looked at me, and said nothing; and c) the girl with the crutches pretty much climbing over her back when she didn't respond at all. Oh well.
I want to do errands today. I need to go to the bank. Getting dressed is the tricky part... I don't think I have any more clean jeans and I feel like a jerk if I complain to Daniel about anything because he does soooo much, and puts up with me in general on top of putting up with my neediness lately. He puts in long hours at work, and then plays Mother Hen, and I don't want to have to ask for more than he's already giving. All of the things I can't do are piling up in my head and making me want to curl up and cry. I'm scared that I am going to become demotivated and depressed about my situation. I try to look past things I can't do anything about, and I try not to nag when I need things, but it is so, so hard to have to rely on someone else to do almost everything for me. There are dust bunnies under the sofas which are more like bears now than bunnies. Tiny projects that have been needing to be done for months aren't done, and I have TONS of time on my hands and am unable to do them. Big projects can't be done either. I look around and just feel sad and angry at the world.
I'm trying to stay positive and think about the fact that this whole thing will go away soon and by Spring I'll be back to normal. I have less than a week left that I have to be on crutches 100%, then I can start to wean myself off of them, and only be on them partially for two more weeks, then I will just have the boot for 4-8 weeks after that. The past few weeks have sort of blurred and past fairly quickly so hopefully the next 9 weeks will as well, and then it will all be a bad memory.
I need to tackle my shoe problem. It will be at least July before I can attempt any sort of heel, so I figure I might as well box them all up for now, which is sort of sad, but I am sure makes Daniel happy, as he is sick and tired of shoes taking over our space, and I don't blame him a bit. This injury came at such a bad time, right when I was feeling like I could finally tackle all sorts of stuff, I got thrown down, literally.
I wish there was a magical answer. I think I spent three weeks waiting for someone to be like "Just kidding, you're not hurt, it's all a bad dream" but that hasn't happened so I guess all I can do now is cry, then get up and struggle through the next couple of months.
3 comments:
I remember feeling as if limping around would never end...but you'll get through it fine. You're almost off the crutches! And you have a sexy walking boot to console yourself. :)
People are really weird about staring or acting as if you're invisible when you're hobbling around, huh?
I'm glad you have so many people to help you through this, even though it's hard to ask for help.
That totally sucks to have to be broken for so long! Hang in there! Next time, just whack the lady with the crutch, or step on her foot with your pretty boot. :)
My friend Lindsey was in a boot, and a friend of hers fake-bedazzled it. (Stick-on jewels!)
I wish I lived close to y'all. I would come be your slave for two hours a day so you wouldn't feel overwhelmed.
I say that because I was so incapacitated last year with my fractured vertebrae and felt guilty for all the stuff other people had to do for me. But they all wanted to help and didn't think I was nearly as needy and whiny as I thought I was.
And--looking back--I realize that I was taking on too much. The back issue forced me to slow down, to focus on what I could do and stop trying to do everything. It was a good lesson in letting go and accepting that I didn't have a timetable to meet all my self-imposed goals.
And the good of it: I allowed myself to just sit with my dying mother instead of trying to do-do-do, go-go-go, fix-fix-fix. Hopefully, when you get past this, you'll look back and see some benefits from your situation, too.
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