Have you ever been so angry and sad that it caused you physical pain? Like your chest is all tight and your jaw feels clenched, and you can't think of any way to release the anger?
What if those emotions are combined with having to wear a happy face and act as if there is nothing strange or out of place at all?
And what if you had absolutely no control over the situation, and technically no real "right" to be angry about it at all because it's not your place to pass judgment as far as how someone else should be doing something and even though you know they are doing it horribly wrong you can't fix it, and you can't even begin to help to facilitate fixing it, and you are forced to stand idly by while they break something repeatedly and you figure you'll just do your best to fix it the 10% of the time you have any say over it and just hope constantly and worry constantly and pray that it isn't being damaged beyond repair while it is out of your sight... But all of this worrying isn't really necessary at all because again, technically it isn't even yours to worry about in the first place?
And you get so worked up about it that you feel like you're going to vomit, or you want to punch something or someone and now your head sort of hurts from clenching your teeth but you keep telling yourself that you can't let it affect you because there is fucking NOTHING you can do about it and NOBODY will listen to your concerns on the subject and it will NEVER get fixed until it blows up in someone's face at which time it will be far too late for "I told you so" and no amount of worrying now will change the hurt that might someday happen so why worry now? Why let yourself be in so much pain now, when it isn't going to save anyone any pain later on? Why let yourself worry when it isn't yours to worry about? Why doesn't telling yourself not to worry stop the worrying? Why doesn't attempting to convince yourself that there's a chance it will all be okay eventually make the head pain stop for now?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
just saw your twitter, and you have every right to be upset. I know much can't be said in a public blog but I really do feel like even the 10% you have the control over "it", will make a difference. They remember everything unfortunately but that also includes the good. You are being the good that is much needed right now.
You should pat yourself on the back too, for not being shitty.
Aimee, you have every right to care about the situation. When you love someone you have the right to care. I sat your tweet, too. I can't help but shake my head and call someone names. I'm glad you're there now. It will get nothing but better. You're am amazing person and I think somehow things will be changing because of it.
Back to swearing at strangers.
I feel really shitty that I only just saw this...hope you're OK.
I DON'T know what happened (or even you but a mutual friend says you're the best thing ABOVE sliced bread) but yes, I know how it feels and how frustrating it can be. Head up Sunshine, everything will work out, however it looks.
Post a Comment